So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
