Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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