he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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