PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
