On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
