Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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