i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize