I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
