I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
only you would photoshop your dick
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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