the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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