3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
