You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
