Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
