I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
