if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
