Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
