I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
