She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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