But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
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It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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