is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize