Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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