It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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