Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
