it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
