I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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