Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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