I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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