Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
