I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
