That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
