you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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