i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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