i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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