i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
