im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
