I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
