$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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