So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
