It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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