well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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