I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This girl is more easily done than said...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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