All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
