I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
