State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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