dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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