you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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