I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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