if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
