They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
