just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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