We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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