i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
