I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
