I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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