She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
