when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
